Enigma

Yesterday, I was looking back through all of my posts and realized that nothing really goes together.
It's like I have multiple personalities and they each take turns writing posts.

There's the funny one who writes posts like "Househunting makes me stabby", the depressed one who obviously wrote
"When I was bad", the slightly bitchy baby-mama who penned "To all the baby-daddies", the know-it-all who is responsible for such gems as "What a void there is in things" and the total over-sharer who brought you "Poor people shouldn't".

I have tried many times to do a blog-reboot, to define myself more clearly, to state obviously who I am and what I'm all about.
But I think I'm realizing that it's just not possible.


I am who I am, and that changes almost daily.
I refuse to define myself by any one personality trait.
I try weird hairstyles, change jobs, move to new cities, change school majors. I make statements and then recant them after rethinking them ALL THE TIME.

I am often wrong about things. This is one of my favorite things about myself.
I don't believe in absolutes.
If I'm ever asked to describe myself in one word, I will answer with:
Enigma.
"A person with puzzling or contradictory character"
"An inexplicable occurrence"

Yes, I think that suits me well.

So, I don't think I'll be doing anymore blog-reboots.
I'll stay in the Land of Miscellanea, where I am free to be as strange and incongruous as I like.

How it all began, and where it might go.....

When I started this blog a year ago, I had a mission and a plan.
It was all about getting healthy & staying that way. I talked a lot about what kinds of things we put in our bodies and how we feed our children.
I wanted to give easy, inexpensive tips and advice to people like me, people that have good intentions but have trouble following through. I was hoping this blog would be inspirational and empowering. I thought I could use my own life experiences to bring people together who were after the same thing as I was.
I just wanted to have (and help other people have) a healthy mind, body and soul.
I got a lot of amazing support and feedback from friends, family and complete strangers.
It felt great.
I was getting tons of emails and chat messages asking for my help.
I felt like I was doing something good, something right.
Then, during the Summer I had a falling out with some friends and went through a little bout of depression, directly followed by some real soul-searching.
I wrote a lot of intense posts.
I stopped exercising, and I ate my feelings.
I did a bunch of reflecting on the person I was in what I refer to as "my former life".
I thought about how I got to the point I was at presently, and then eventually, after I felt like I had exorcised the majority of my demons (publicly, no less), I began to look ahead.

hold the sun in your hands

I want to refocus on what I started out to do here, but with the realization that living a healthy life is NOT all about the body.
The body is just one small aspect of what makes a person a person.
I know how cliché it is, but I love the mantra of "Live your best life".
For me that means living a FULL life.
Going out of your way to find your happiness, because it doesn't always just exist in front of you.
Living the life you want your children to admire and respect.
A life of purpose and meaning.
Time spent getting to know the people and world that surrounds you.
Making discoveries and sharing them.
Finding the positive as often as you possibly can, for we all have a tendency toward melodrama (myself especially), and just vowing to do the best you can at any given moment.

That's what I want. What do you want?

If we took a holiday.....

Can you guys believe it's November already? If you're here in Sacramento, CA you probably don't feel like the Holiday Season is almost upon us. Especially when it's 80 degrees today. No, really, it is. My 3 yr old can be seen wearing booty shorts & a short sleeved t-shirt and it's November 3rd. What the heck?

Even though the weather is not cooperating with my Holiday mood, I'm starting to get really excited about Thanksgiving and Christmas. The former is really just a few weeks away, and this year I really want to do something different. I come from a strong family background, rich with traditions, but over the years those traditions have evolved and the family never frowns on improvement.
So, instead of a traditional turkey, we're opting for a Cranberry Glazed Turkey Breast and instead of my usual pumpkin pie, I'm planning on making a pumpkin cheesecake with a ginger snap crust. I haven't nailed down the side dishes yet, since my husband is a Green Bean Casserole hold-out and I really never want to make or eat that thing again. Ever. The one thing I know will never change is the lumpy mashed potatoes. I really dislike whipped potatoes. Mash those babies by hand! Nobody wants to eat something that reminds them of that weird ice-cream scoop of pseudo-potato mush they fed us every year in grade school. *shudder*

This year we also have a house to decorate. I'm not much of a traditionalist when it comes to home decor but I do have visions of my fireplace & mantle adorned with pretty little lights & candles.
This is the first place our family has lived that has ever really felt like home to us, and the prospect of all of the celebrating that is going to take place here in the next few months is almost overwhelming.
We are blessed all year 'round, but listening to my kids talk about hanging stockings from the mantle, how Santa can really come down our chimney this year, and seeing the way they play together in their new backyard, which is something they've never had......well, it makes me feel a little more blessed than usual.

What are you all looking forward to this Holiday Season?