Brand new day

One week from today is my 34th birthday.
There's nothing particularly special about turning 34, and I'm not the kind of girl that expects or needs to be celebrated. But, the last couple years of my life have not been easy.
Ok, so maybe the last 20 years haven't been easy.
That's not what I'm here to talk about, but that is why I'm here.

Most people make resolutions on the dawning of a New Year. Not me. I save mine for my birthday. I hope that doesn't make me sound like a narcissist. I just think that your birthday is the perfect time to reflect on the previous year and all the things you did or did not do.
I have been through the ringer lately, and on many days I have wondered if (not when) I will ever be happy, if I will ever have the chance to live a life free of this onslaught of daily sorrows.
And then I realized that I don't have to wait. Life goes on whether you spend it crying or laughing.

So, for my 34th birthday I have decided to make a promise to myself.
I will do at least one thing every day to make myself happy.
I will do the things I have always been afraid to do.
I will live not just for others but for myself and I will not feel guilty.
I will have a meaningful life.
I will find myself again, and I will be happy.

There are no rules to live by

I have many faults. So do you. Own this. I am telling you, it will set you free.  

The honest to goodness truth is that we all do things that later we will look back at and think "That wasn't very cool of me". 

The problem is that most people think that and then continue to defend their actions. 

The attitude of "So what if you don't like what I did, I'm being me!" is fine. 

If you want to be stagnant. If you don't think you have any room to grow.

I guess most people fear the backlash of being wrong. Of admitting wrong-doing. 

What will people think of you if you show them that you are vulnerable in your absolute fallibility? 

Some people will laugh in your face. A lot will say "I told you so". 

Even more will revel in your mistakes & greedily spread news of your misdeeds like so much wildfire.

But none of that matters. You have to know this. 

You have to tell yourself that you cannot be judged by another person for being imperfect.

No person has a set of rules that you must live by.  

There is no lie that cannot be untold or sin unforgivable.

You must only be willing to admit your wrongs & forgive yourself.

The rest can either follow or be left behind.