All the sweet serenity of books

my last actual book purchase

You know those Wish Lists everyone has on Amazon? I have one, too, and it's a loooooong one.
Only, my list isn't a list of things I'm ever going to actually buy online.
It's a cheat-sheet for my weekly (sometimes daily) jaunts to the Sacramento Public Library.
I have worked out a book selecting system in my hard little head that I find so rational and obvious that I cannot believe this hadn't occurred to me years ago.
First, I go to Amazon and click on books I've already read & loved. Then, see what other people who've bought said book are also reading. Then, if that book sparks my interest I read the reviews and add it to my wish list so that the next time I'm looking through the endless amounts of books as yet unknown to me on the library shelves, I have somewhat of a starting point.
Amazon is otherwise useless to me. I hardly ever feel the need to actually own a book. I'm more than happy to borrow one, especially when I go through an average of 300 pages a week, at the very least.
Besides, I'm not a possessor of "things". I don't enjoy having a lot of stuff to keep around.
It makes me feel claustrophobic if I am being honest.
There are the rare occasions when I check out a book that ends up changing my life in some way, large or small and then, yes, I must own the book. "On the Road" spoke to me more stylistically than in the spiritual way that it seems to affect others, but it touched my soul nonetheless. This is a book I will own.
Every book in the "Outlander" series by Diana Gabaldon shall be mine as well.

I have always loved the library.
When I was a teenager I used to skip Summer school in order to visit the library and peruse books on Post-Impressionist painters. These days I don't seem to have much time to myself, but when I do have some time, I always spend it at the library.
It's peaceful there and waiting among the shelves are immeasurable opportunities for dreaming, and learning, and love, and history, and reflection. And all of these things are available to me with no price tag.
The library gives so much and asks for nothing more than a return visit.
If you haven't visited you local branch lately, please do so, you will not regret it.

Get On the Road

You guys know I'm a total book nerd, right? I am proud to say I am currently the Mayor of my local library on Foursquare. Because I'm there once a week....sometimes more. Sometimes I even go to several branches of the Sacramento Library, but then I get all kinds of confused when I start getting library notices. Where did I check this one out? Which branch does this one belong to? And I am always checking out 5 books at a time, but they only give you 3 weeks and there's no way anybody could read 5 books in 3 weeks, not even somebody whose brain processes books faster than a Pentium processes data.

So, anyway, I picked up "On the Road" by Jack Kerouac 2 weeks ago. I feel a little bit embarrassed admitting that I'd gone 31 years without having read it. Actually, once I started reading it, I was kind of annoyed that nobody had ever even recommended it to me. It's amazing. Beyond amazing, even.
I normally tear through books like a mad-woman, but not with this one. I am savoring this one, which is ironic because the book itself is written with such voraciousness, I feel a bit fevered when reading it.
"On the Road" is about finding or making adventure wherever you can, because life can be unbearably sad sometimes. And this theme fits in pretty well with the way I've been trying to live my life this last year. Does it seem like I am harping on this all the time? That's probably because I am.

I am so sick of the "Fun Police". I actually used to be one of them for awhile. Too embarrassed to sing in my car. Too afraid to travel anywhere without someone to guide me. Not letting my kids eat anything that didn't grow in the ground. Never trying anything new. Scared someone might think I'm making a fool of myself.

I'm sad that our culture doesn't embrace adventure. We want our kids to go to school, grow up and get a job, get married & buy a house. If somebody were to take a year and just go "find" themselves these days, they'd be called a loser with no goals, or an embarrassment.
How are we supposed to discover where we belong and who we want to be if we never leave our tiny hometowns in suburbia? If all we do is fall in line and do the things we are told to do, the things that people expect of us? Maybe I sound like a complete hippy nut-job, but here's why:

I had a baby when I was 17. Then I proceeded to move 900 miles away from everyone and everything I'd ever known, because I was in love and it sounded so exciting. And it WAS exciting. We had to learn to fend for ourselves with no safety net. I wasn't even a legal adult yet! When we moved, I hadn't been further than 90minutes from the farm town I grew up in.

We drove up the Pacific Coast through California, Oregon, and along the vast Columbia River which seemed to me about as wide as the ocean. We went up into Washington and stopped 2 1/2 hours from the Canadian Border. We were home. He had a job waiting for him, but we had no money, no place to live, and we stayed in a motel for a few weeks until we found a place of our own.
There were no Google maps to guide us around our new city.
Everything we learned was because we went out into the world and discovered it.

I spent 2 years living an adventure before returning to my sleepy Northern California home.
All of the people who said it wouldn't last ended up being right, but it didn't matter in the end.
What mattered was that I tried, and I really lived for those 2 years.
But after coming back here, to the reality of being a single mom, to working 50+ hrs a week and struggling to get by, I lost my sense of adventure.
Then I got caught up in the dramatics of maneuvering my way through a new, blended family.
For a good 6 years, there was no time for discovery.

But now, I am settled at last. And with that feeling comes the funniest twist of irony, because I finally feel secure enough to set about on some little adventures again. These days, my escapades come in the form of singing out loud to the radio in the grocery store and not caring who hears, taking random classes that have nothing to do with my Major just because I can, trying weird foods I used to turn my nose at, or waking up on a Sunday with no plans and ending up playing in the sand on a beach somewhere along the California Coast.

In 2012, my husband & I will celebrate our 10th Wedding Anniversary and I would love to rent an RV, pack our kids inside and take off across the Country. It might be awful. It has the potential to be the worst idea I've ever had, but that won't stop me from going. Because it could be wonderful, and I want my children to know that life is full of possibilities, and opportunities and things that cannot be taught inside a classroom.

If you see a chance- take it. You might fail, but the risk is half the adventure.

A Book Worth Reading

Earlier in the week, I visited our local library in search of a book about Sensory Processing Disorder, but when they didn't have it, I went searching for something else. Anything else.  It's against my personal beliefs to leave a library empty-handed.

2 years ago I picked up a copy of "She's Come Undone" at the Salvation Army.  I wasn't sure I'd like it, but I took it with me on a camping trip and by the time the 3 day weekend was over, I had finished it.  It was amazing.
Intense, no holds barred realism.
So, when I saw "I Know This Much is True" on the library shelf, I knew it was a book for me.Wally Lamb doesn't paint a pretty picture of his characters. They are flawed and not all of their imperfections are endearing.  But that's what I like about his books. People in real life are not perfect. We are more often jealous & antagonistic than we are altruist.
Yet, his characters do find some redemption in the end.
They don't all end up with flawless white picket fence lives but they end up with what they need, and isn't that the way it should be?  I'd rather have the things I need over the things I want.
"I Know This Much is True" is centered around the life of Dominick, a twin who's other half is a paranoid schizophrenic. He goes on a journey, both literally and within himself, to find answers to the questions of why he is living this life, and what decisions beyond his own have lead him here. He's not the selfless savior of his brother that one would expect from the hero in any other novel. He's got depth, and the story is sometimes almost too intense.  
Wally Lamb can get a little wordy, but I like that. I want all the details, I don't care how many paragraphs it takes to explain something- the more I can see it in my head, the better.
If you're looking for some Summer reading that's a bit darker than the usual paperback, this book is probably perfect for you.  It's one of those books that you can't read all at once, you have to stop and think about it for a bit before you're ready to pick it up again.
It's not going to leave your head immediately, it's a book that will stay with you for a long time, and that's the difference between a book you like and a book you love.

Eat, Pray, Love

My good friend and fellow Hipmama, Amnesty, gave me this book eons ago. Somehow it was lost for over a year, only to be discovered under my daughter's dresser earlier this week.
With kids, things end up in the oddest places.

Thinking about how well Amnesty knows me, I figured I'd like this book, but I didn't count on it being so......inspiring.  I realize how cheesy that sounds, but it really is inspiring.  I'm not very far into it and I already want to enroll in foreign language classes just in case sometime in the future, I decide to take a year off and live somewhere that I currently can't even locate on a map.

Maybe I haven't written about this before but I have what my Grandma lovingly refers to as "Itchy feet". Meaning, I get restless when I'm in one place too long. Amazingly, that doesn't seem to have caused any problems in my marriage, but I do get a wild hair every couple of years and decide I would like to just pick up and move. It really doesn't even matter where. And if you know me at all, you know this about me.
I mean, I didn't pick up and move 900 miles away at the age of 17 because I likes sitting still.  I may not be adventurous when it comes to roller coasters or jumping off the high dive, but when it comes to travelling & discovering new places, I only need about an hour's notice to collect my belongings and then I'd happily be on the road to who-knows-where.
Just ask my sister in law. We once drove 36 hours to Wyoming at the drop of a hat, just because we could, with my brother and 5 children in tow, two of which were 7 week old babies, only to end up visiting 7 States in a matter of one week.

But, that's not the only feelings this book has been bringing up.
Notice the middle word in the title: "Pray".
I'm not a religious person and have thought myself an Atheist since I was a teenager, but I don't think that's an accurate description of the way I really feel.
I am not really a "believer" but my husband was just teasing me last night about being a superstitious person, and it's true, I really am, and how can you be superstitious without believing that there are forces at work that are greater than yourself? Something that you cannot see, cannot touch, cannot name, but you can feel it all the same?  I personally call this thing "The Universe" or sometimes "Mother Nature" because that's what feels most accurate to me.
I really don't know if I just like the idea of there being something guiding me or if I truly believe there is.

Whichever it is, I have to say that "Eat, Pray, Love" is so far an amazing read, and I highly recommend it.
Any book that can evoke strong feelings like attachment, or longing, or that makes you question yourself, is good for your soul.
These are the ways in which we grow.

Must Reads!

I love books. If you had to know just one thing about me, let it be that I love books.

Lately I've been on a Historical Fiction kick.
I discovered the "Outlander" series by Diana Gabaldon a little over a year ago and have since become completely obsessed with all things Scottish Highlander. I even researched my husband's ancestry just to find out what clan he belongs to and lo and behold, the Croxford's weren't even Scottish but the Mexican side of his family had a whole long lineage of Highlanders. Who'da thunk it?
Clan Hume, thank you very much.
No whiny Lowlanders for this family!

Oh but I digress.

Books, we were talking about books!
I've got another 5 months of waiting until the "Outlander" graphic novel "The Exile"comes out and in the meantime I need something else to fill the void.

(I have been known to read a Vampire book or 2- hey, don't hold it against me, and for those that haven't read a single word but hate all over it out of some sense of superiority- get over yourself. There are literary references in the Twilight series that I bet most of the haters wouldn't even understand.)

Again, I am off on a tangent, haha.
Anyhow, as I was saying, I need some books to fill the void so here are my current "To Read" books:

"Her Fearful Symmetry" by Audrey Niffenger (she wrote "The Time Traveler's Wife", which is an amazing book, so well written & gritty. Nothing at all like the movie which was just.....not good.)

"The Lovely Bones" by Alice Sebold (if you've read it, let me know if it's worth it and the same goes for seeing the movie)

"Rabit, Run" by John Updike (because who didn't love "The Witches of Eastwick"?)

Ok, those are mine, now do you have any recommendations for me? Wanna borrow a book or two?
I'd love to do a book swap!