Waking up

I quit my job today. The job I desperately needed a few months ago.
The job that brought us up from the fiery depths of financial ruin and back into the black.
I'm not sorry. I won't regret it.
I learned quite a few things about myself while I was employed:

I learned that no amount of money can replace happiness.
I learned that family is everything, and that is more than just a saying that sells greeting cards.
I learned that there are still a lot of really wonderful people in the world and all I have to do is open myself up to them and let them into my very guarded circle.
I learned that there are also some terrible people who are happy to smile in your face while trying to break your spirit.
I learned that thankfully, the former far exceeds the latter.
I learned that I let people run all over me, but I'm quickly learning to stand up for myself.
I learned that I'm nice. Sometimes too much so.
I learned that I'm slightly more nerdy than the average girl.
I learned that I am an enigma, and I like that.

I say that anytime you have the opportunity to receive a lesson, you do so and say "thank you".
That's a situation you'll never have to muddle through again.
Wake up, life is telling you to go a different direction. Just listen.
That's what I'm trying to do.........

Enough of that.......
And now back to my regularly scheduled program of libraries, photo blogging, baking, kid-wrangling, and random musings.

Finding my way back home again

Something terrible happened when I started my new job. I was working so late that I couldn't visit the library. I have gone 3 months without doing the one major thing that I love to do for myself. 
I shouldn't have done that. I should have found a way.
But it's just so hard for me to rationalize being gone all day at work, then taking even more time away from my family just to do something for fun.
The new job has given such a mixed bag of emotions. On one hand I feel a greater sense of independence, but on the other hand I feel a little disconnected from my usual world. I've lived for 11 years as someone's care-taker. Whether that was my husband, before sobriety took hold, or our many children. I've never really even thought abut what it is that I need to be happy. Sure, I have ideas like everyone else. I have always wanted to have some sort of Science degree, but that isn't what I'm talking about.

I'm the kind of person who is easily guilted into letting herself be last. I do things like getting a babysitter for a night out, then cancelling because I feel bad about asking somebody to watch my kids. I don't visit people because my family is large and I feel like we are a huge imposition.
When I type these things out, I see that it's ridiculous. But in my head, I just want to make sure that I am not being selfish. I often think that I come off as a very selfish person. Sometimes I talk too much about myself, because I'm nervous with people.
But the problem with believing yourself to be undeserving of receiving your wants & needs is that eventually you become a martyr.
And that is something I do not want.

So today I went to the library.

Ella K McClatchy Library, Sacramento, CA

I picked out a bag full of books.

 3 kid's books, Gone With The Wind & The Thorn Birds

And I left with this:

a smile.

I'm going to try to do things that make me happy, and not feel bad about doing it. 

Goings-on

Guess what I did? 3 months ago, while searching for a job, I made my blog private and then forgot to change it back. Um, yeah. Oops.

So here's what's been going on over the last 90 or so days.

• I got a job. FT. At a Thrift Shop. It's pretty boss.
• I fell in love with a pretty lady. She's amazing.

my pretty lady

• I cut all my hair off and took a tacky bathroom photo.



remember myspace? ok, but the hair is cute, right?

I've basically just been working and trying to get back into the groove. That's about it. Although, I do have to say that I could write 3 blog posts a day for the rest of my life, all about the stuff that happens at work. You just would not believe me if I told you even half of it. People, they be crazy.

Breaking the Rules

I am on Dr's orders to not do anything to aggravate my thumb, including typing, baking and pushing a stroller for the next 6 weeks, but I had to break the rule to let you all know what's going on.
I have had De Quervain's Syndrome  for many years and it has been very mild until recently.
As of now, it is almost unbearable to use my thumb. My wrist & forearm ache like crazy.
So, I am confined to this splint for 6 weeks, 24 hrs a day.
I really can't tell if it's working yet, since I've only had it since yesterday but it is very uncomfortable.
My hand wants to be in the shape of a claw, and the splint is holing my thumb straight so it just feels wrong.
(I have been typing this blog using my left hand and the index finger of my right hand, haha)

To make matters worse, I had a tetanus booster on Friday afternoon and am suffering the consequences.
I will spare you all the picture of THAT. It is not looking so great, and it better heal soon because I am supposed to be going in for another round of blood work this week and I'd like to keep my wounds to a minimum.

Anyhow, I will not be blogging as much as usual for the next month or so (unless I stop being a chicken & go in for a cortisone shot).
Just know that I haven't disappeared, and I'll TRY to get on & blog sometime within the next week, since I have a great Sneaky Cake recipe to share with you all!
Take care out there!