Sunday, March 6, 2011

3 things I wish people would stop saying to me

When you are a young mom with multiple kids, people say a lot of really questionable things to you.
Here's my top 3 things I could do without ever hearing again:

"Wow! 4 kids! How are you still sane?" 
First of all, sanity is relative. Having 4 kids is not easy, especially when you take them out in public alone and as soon as you call them to leave, they employ what I call the "cockroach approach" and scatter in 4 different directions so that you have to run around franticly while attempting to look as if you have a shred of control over the situation. If I look sane, it's because I work really hard to make things appear that way.

"Aren't you glad you finally got your girl? Now you can be done." 
What? Do you people think we were trying to have a 4th child?
Not that we don't love the "Tiny Tyrant" and all, but implying that because I'm a woman, I was just gonna keep popping out babies till we hit the fairer-sex jackpot is crazy-town. My husband had a vasectomy roughly 10 weeks into that last pregnancy, long before we ever knew we were about to be inundated with all things pink. Done and done.

"You look amazing for having 4 kids!" 
Really? This is a compliment? What does that even mean? When you say that, all I hear is "You look pretty good for narrowly escaping death via Zombie Apocalypse." 

For some reason when you're a mom, nobody looks at you or thinks of you as yourself anymore. 
You're just the mom with 3 boys & a girl, who managed to somehow, against all odds, put pants on before making it out the door in the morning.

The general consensus seems to be that Motherhood makes you stupid. And, apparently, unattractive.
And that is not only untrue but unfair. When a man becomes a dad, people don't start questioning his common sense or qualifying his sex appeal with how many kids he has. 
In fact, women often find men with kids more attractive. 

It's a crying shame that society doesn't seem to believe that women are capable of maintaining themselves intellectually and physically under the demands of Motherhood, but the fact is that we are more than capable and we deserve more than those back-handed compliments that men never receive. 


  1. Backhanded compliments.... the worst.

    I love this piece...... even though I'm pretty sure you just called me out. Although, honestly, I think it's because I don't know how to relate to mothers. Even those who have been my friends for years. Clearly, that's not an excuse though.

    Will watch myself from now on. ;)

  2. It's true that there is a switch that happens when you become a mother, but as long as you recognize that I'm still my own person, you're golden :) and I know you do!

  3. I do!

    With my friends who are mothers, I find myself trying to find a balance between not focusing too much on their children, and talking to them about them (like we used to, pre-babies) that I sometimes feel that they think I don't care about their kids. Which is sooooo not true. I find it extremely difficult, actually, to find a balance.

  4. uh yeah, my mom gets the whole "wow, you look really good for having 6 kids! how do you do it?!" sure. what, were you expecting her to look like a worn-down run over hag?

    {um. the kids were spaced out over 14 years; the older ones help a lot. that's just my point of view.}

    totally would turn around and hightail it if someone said that whole "you finally got your girl; now you're done" spiel. :P

  5. Well, all I know is that if I had four kids I would have a handfull! Maybe, what do I know? You are a superwoman!! (Hope that isn't offensive!)


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