|This is me, not being afraid to be dorky.|
How many people have a "Bucket List"? I don't really have one, at least not like the one Morgan Freeman had. But like everyone else, there are a few things that I'd like to do before I die.
Sadly, pathetically even, a lot of the things on my hypothetical "Bucket List" would be related to social anxiety.
Like yesterday for instance, my (step)sister Katie got married and I went alone. Well, technically not alone because I rode with my Grandma, but I didn't have a date. Jude had to work and it was an adult's only event (I highly recommend this idea for any of you planning a wedding.
Think: NO CRYING BABIES). So I got all dressed up and went without an escort. Without my security blanket. Flying without a parachute, as they say.
It was kind of weird to be the one who came alone. I felt like the odd girl out, like everyone would wonder who this woman was with and why she was alone. I felt really disconnected for a good bit, but then the reception started and everybody hit the dance floor.
Normally I wouldn't be the kind of person you'd imagine busting a move in front of a large group of people without being totally wasted first. In fact, the thought of doing just about anything in front of anyone terrifies me.
But as I watched my stone-cold sober Aunt get her boogie on, I thought to myself: Do I want to be the kind of person that sits out of the fun because of fear? Do I want to be more worried about embarrassing myself than I am in having an awesome time?
And the answer came back loud and clear: No. I do not.
I want to be the fun one, so damn it, I will be the fun one!
The Bump, the Hustle, the Pogo, the Cabbage Patch, the Running Man- you name it, I did it.
And I had an AMAZING time. I honestly can't remember when I've had such a good time. All because I was willing to let go a little. Let go of my pride, let go of my inhibitions, let go of the self-doubt that I've been letting take over my life.
In the end I learned two things last night. For one, only I can hold myself back. Nobody else has that power. And the second is something that may be really obvious to the rest of you but is something I'm just figuring out:
It really is ok to have fun, even if you have to embarrass yourself a little in the process.